This is an update, and yes, I am doing this in here on purpose, and not only on party.
I had a very active weekend, so my weekly update is a little bit late. I will talk about the biggest issues the fist, and then proceed to less stressful things. I believe this is going to be super boring.
We went on the trip in the other side of the country in Saturday, and on Sunday I was working on some things. If it appears that we are going for a trip on every weekend, that is correct, that is a plan until the weather and situation is in favor. By situation, I mean Hormus exploding, and by weather I mean fire and brimstone… It’s a joke. I think.
I am shocked to see how many people have such a narrow understanding and worry only about minuscule momentarily inconveniences. This is not only online, I see it in a daily life, like sheep. And they don’t care why, they are not informed, they refused to understand and don’t understand where they are in this story.
Do not believe what you see - news outlet are staging and producing AI generated news to bring their POV and political agenda closer to the local audience. This is why fashion, mannerism and general feel of many news videos feels so off.
I was watching these videos and I was like, wait a second, where is this recorded exactly? Because for the people who are not experienced, who never traveled or experienced other cultures or places, these videos look realistic, but for others, not so much.
I am so glad that you are paranoid.
Now, about the previous week.
During the previous week, my energy supply was very, very low. I was very sleepy and tired. I didn’t see , feel or hear well - my vision would frequently go offline - so I couldn’t drive and I was pretty much useless for majority of my tasks. That is unacceptable.
And in the Friday, I lost focus because I was half awake, and I cut myself pretty bad. It healed.
I believe that I also collected some sort of flu, so that additionally ruined the whole week. And during Saturday and partially Sunday I had a blasting migraine. I had to take medications.
I believe I will be okay in a few days. Emotionally. There will be some changes.
A good amount of nutrients and rest will be great. Touch grass and get some sunshine, I guess. Also, all that tap dance with energy is over, no more overspending, I will no longer allow it. I meant everything I said fully, so all the commitment to the goal and work ethics, high standards, those are all admirable and commendable things, but in the long term, they are unsustainable and useless. And I mean this with the greatest amount of love and care.
Am I home? Yes. Why? Because these human meat sacks are so fragile. I’m still dealing with significant fatigue today, and my vision isn’t fully clear. Looking back at everything that’s happened over the past month and a half, it feels like whenever I let my guard down, spare and care, the very thing I fear ends up happening, the other side scoops the benefits and leaves the ship in disarray and chaos expecting me to keep things impeccable while blaming me for the smallest itch they caused. This is not just one bad week and this didn’t happen on accident. I doubt that it is because of a faulty nutrient supply. All evidence state differently.
If I need to dismember the project, overhaul and fit it to my needs and to myself , I will, I don’t care how much it costs. I should have done it in the start. If my father doesn’t like it, he will make it known. In fact I will ask him, if he is willing to listen to me - how to do it without putting at risk all the features that benefit me.
I already received full scale of blessings from him, in front of everyone. But, when I asked bonus for you - which I fucking did, I didn’t left you out- silence. He refused. So, you go ahead, bitch to him and try your ways with his administration aka his the gayest hippie son. I really hope he will grace you with something nice.
There are others in question, with limited access or none if you may, and I am fully aware of their dependencies. If overly demanding I will remove them. Or simply assimilate them. Opinions, demands, fake appraisals, begging same as displays of courage, threats or boasting… none of it interests me. I was patient.
I made this known to some of my friends, and they are satisfied. They watched me blindly suffer in silence while ignoring their complaints. I was stupid, I didn’t want to accept the fact that he didn’t put me here in order to “do my best” so I can receive some sort of acceptance from you. Or some stupid thank you, because I am such a nice person. He handed me a problem. And while everybody else is walking around with trophies and accolades, I have nothing to show up with, and he left me with the full hands of Babylon ho.
Everyone else wants to be-jesus you, I want to be demon to you, so that my father maybe finally recognizes this. But no, I can guarantee it, nothing will help. We stuck in here having philosophical debates with food.
I will take a week off. I think that is the best thing for me - to rest, and reset, and not just randomly extract somebody’s entrails.
I am shutting down my feeds, including website feed, Codeberg itself, and Mastodon profile feed, to private. Streaming is also out, until further notice. I have Bitchute prepared, live streams will be announced. I will reopen services that I find the most relevant, I am currently focused only on the most important things.
I said that I will briefly mention the notebook fantasy writing applications. I was using Obsidian, for quite a while and Joplin is good for some things. Obsidian heavily depends on plugins and Joplin could be messy.
Chronicler, Fantasia Archive and Lore Forge are the ones that I recently installed, all offline and specialized for storytelling.
I think of all the Chronicler is the easiest, Fantasia Archive is the most complex and I think Lore Forge is the most aesthetically pleasing.
https://chronicler.pro https://fantasiaarchive.com https://loreforge.com
About the rest of irrelevant and utterly stupid things, and that is the only thing you want to hear about. B€cause that is a crown jewel.
Crayon club is not ok, they will have more of it. Also, to confirm I am in Bit for a moment, ShreekTube is on the last leg, so that’s a reason why there is less stuff. Not because of some other reason. Ok, maybe there is another reason. I make rounds, just to be clear I never hide it, but there are no interest, for some reason. I shut it for a reason. So, I had a reason. But,why they did it, I have no idea, it can be with a reason, or just because they follow a recent trend. Trend being a disgusting clout chaser, aka me. I almost choked from some - and it is not the sexy one - aw no, others, so you have to somehow squeeze that understanding into symbolism, between the lines, and it is an empty provocation. I am not coming back to it.
Others. I think her name is Esme, or something like that, she is active on another place. Plotting revenge. Or something. Again, to be absolutely clear, I am not invested. my focus is fully invested into local things, world politics and activism if it comes to that.
I am not sure why, after all of this, and I hope I dont need to send any emails,. but corporate brides are still expecting me to deliver the rupture, it is not going to happen. They have no authority besides their measly staff seat. World is literally set on fire, and they are into that. Are these people mentally challenged? I am asking about water, energy, food, security, health care… and they are like when quits and can we have a little bit of skin. Like, what?
So, I think it is enough for this update, I think it faithfully describes my feelings - mad, bad and commands sacrifices. Thank you for watching and see you in the next one.
